Run-on sentences add flavor, I don’t care what anybody tells you. They still keep a giant Christmas display bear in one of the old stores in the closed down Springdale Mall. Don’t ask how I know, because it may potentially implicate me. “A lady in the street, but a freak in the bed” is the best combination of things this side of Zapp and Roger. With that said, a one night stand is a much better way to spend the wee morning hours than sleeping, but it is inevitably trumped by the love of a good woman. Don’t ask me how I know, because it may potentially implicate me in other matters as well as the ones involving Springdale Mall.

Punching someone downtown is the easiest way to go to jail, you think people would figure this out. Sometimes, just sometimes, it’s worth it though. If you don’t like the smell of pee, get the hell away from Mardi Gras. Your friendly neighborhood gay bar, be it Gabriel’s or Bebop’s, is a great place to meet women as a single man. Fear not, homophobes. In closing, Mobile isn’t the absolute best place to live, but it aint that bad either folks. People are constantly working to make it a bigger, more interesting, and culturally richer place. Basically, we, as a city, are going to be awesome. Bet on it.

Hellaciously and handsomely yours,

Bill Pardy