In the wake of the recent MA-ATM Conflict, a Mod Mobilian reader took us up on our offer (to publish essays from Mod Mobilian readers).  He/she suggests maybe it is time to look at whether the Azalea Trail Maids are the best representatives of Mobile.  Always wanting to take a rational look at both sides of an argument (but please heed Shakespeare’s  advice in Henry IV Part 2 about killing the messenger*) – here it is:

“I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes.” – Henry David Thoreau

Our Azalea Trail Maids are an impressive sight, and the more of them there are, the more impressive it is. Even seasoned national television personalities seem a bit taken aback when all fifty march by in the parade. “And here are the Azalea Trail Maids, from Mo-byle, Alabama. My goodness…um…aren’t they colorful, Scott!”

 Occasionally, somebody Not From Heah will put up a Flickr photo or blog post depicting the girls, usually as figures of fun. “Look what I saw on my vacation! It’s those crocheted toilet roll covers come to life!” When this happens, indignant Mobilians pile onto the comment threads, citing the Maids’ high GPAs, the arduous competition to be chosen, their hard work and dedication through blistering heat or freezing cold, and almost always a reference to the Southern charm and hospitality they “exude.”

I had my brush with the Azalea Trail several years ago, when my daughter was chosen as a contestant from her high school.  After weeks of preparation for The Interview (the point at which the 100 contestants chosen by the schools are winnowed down to 49 maids + the queen) she decided that Trail was not for her and withdrew. I’m not sure if she would have “made it”; I am fairly certain that, for her, the honor would have gotten old fast. The dresses are heavy (about fifty pounds) and very uncomfortable, being made as tight as possible so that the hoops don’t rest entirely on the hips.  The girls miss a lot of class time and a good amount of weekend time, too. There’s a couple of out of town trips, sales of cookbooks and calendars, and local “appearances” all over the county.

Plus, she never seemed to fully buy in to Trail zeitgeist. For instance, before the girls are assigned a dress color, they are asked to list three choices in order of preference. This ordeal produces more hysteria than rush week at SMU. But when asked, my child said, “I don’t really care.  I’ll just wear whatever they tell me.” Her blasé attitude appalled the other girls, some of whom had been considering this important question since they were four years old and their mamas first put their names on the seamstress’s list.

 Securing a seamstress is important; the dresses cost upwards from $3,000, and most of that is labor.  For consistency’s sake, the girls are not allowed to borrow or buy a dress from a sister, cousin or friend who was a Maid in former years. The Jaycees order new fabric each year, hundreds of yards of it, and parcel it out along with the steel hoops and the parasol and hat frames. Next, it’s time to design the dress, or rather the number and placement of its ruffles. At first glance the dresses all look exactly alike, but, like snowflakes, no two are the same. This excellent website has more details about the dresses, the program’s history, the dresses, and the girls’ service to the community. Oh, and the dresses. http://www.johnstrange.com/edm310summer07/hinds/index.html

 It struck me, as my daughter pored over the newspaper every morning in quest of “current events” for her interview, that while the program might strive to select the very most poised, intelligent, and knowledgeable young women in the county, swathing them in ruffles and planting them on lawns during Home Tour didn’t do much to showcase their abilities.** I suppose there’s a chance that a tourist might occasionally ask a Maid something besides “Say, what’s under that dress?” but I’ve never seen it happen.

 And where are the young men with the high GPAs, admirable self-possession, and exhaustive knowledge of local history? I am told there used to be “Azalea Trail Dandies” who acted as escorts for the girls. They wore white suits with colored pocket squares to match their Maid. I’m not sure whatever happened to the Dandies—perhaps the local boys lost interest in applying, or perhaps in this modern era it was thought that the young ladies no longer needed male protection. Surely that’s for the best—the sight of fifty girls in hoop skirts twirling parasols AND fifty boys suited up like Colonel Sanders might be more Southern charm than the Macy’s parade can use.

To be continued

Thank you for that opinion, anonymous Mod Mobilian reader.

Mod Mobilian welcomes thoughtful commentary from all its readers.

* “It’s a losing situation, being the first man to bring unwelcome news. That man’s voice sounds forever like a sad bell.”

**It is my understanding that some of the girls are eligible for scholarships, but I haven’t seen any hard information on that aspect of the program.