Mod Mobilian gave a now-former reporter a seemingly easy task – to infiltrate the Joe Cain Procession and do a video interview with Joe Cain himself. We are sorry to report he failed miserably. Here was his excuse:
“Well first off, I posed as a marcher with Les Chats Sauvages. I was making my way up to Joe Cain himself in the Pre-Parade Line-up near the Civic Center, when I bumped into this big pirate named “Mojo”. He proceded to explain that he was a member of Dauphin Street Drunks (aka Drunks of Dauphin Street or DSD) and a bit about his organization. Shortly after he acquainted me with a lovely young lady named “Saucy Wench,” and we got into an extended conversation about their initiation ceremony. Unfortunately, I cannot reveal the details of which because she said the pirates’ penalty for spreading such secrets would be to cut my tongue out, and I certainly would not want that. But it did involve a swimming pool at a local B&B.
Saucy Wench (DSD)
Before I knew it the procession was moving and I was really trying to get up to the coal cart to interview Joe Cain. But right behind the coal cart were these exceedingly beautiful young ladies who called themselves the “Mistresses of Joe Cain.” Intrigued, I entered into conversation with a particularly striking young Mistress, who I think said her name was “Scarlett,” but that could have been someone else. Next thing I know I am pulling a Mistress in my little red wagon. Although the Mistresses are perfectly figured, combined with the weight of my throws it slowed me down considerably. Unfortunately, I had to leave the procession early because of medical needs and was unable to speak with Mr. Cain.”
We have since learned that:
- Despite Mod Mobilian’s strict rules against ethanol consumption while on company business, said correspondent and his krewe had a secret compartment “full of Abita & screwdrivers” in their wagon (and we don’t mean the Phillips-head type).
- The video he shot (which we are completely ashamed of the quality of – see below) becomes progressively disoriented during the procession, which we believe is evidence of #1.
- Apparently, he sought attention for his “medical needs” at The Garage.